Ich bin der Polizei

At least that's what the guy told me. Now, in general, I tend to be a skeptical person. Or, at least I try to be. However, at this particular time, I was a little more vulnerable to being a little naive. You see, the night didn't start off with a guy telling me he was a police officer. It started off with a search for a small carton of chocolate milk.

To make a long story short, the search for chocolate milk was unsuccessful after looking into two stores. However, in the second store, I managed to set off the alarm on the way in and on the way out. Both times, I went to a store clerk and I think they told me that it was ok. As I beeped on the way out, they seemed a little sketched out and really just wanted me to leave. I think that may have had to do with my big laptop bag on my back. Anyway, I just walked out, and well, beeped again of course. This time I just kept going.

And this is where the fun began. I headed towards the tram stop and some guy stopped me. This isn't unusual since people stop me all the time asking for a light or the time of day. So, I stopped and told him I couldn't speak German very well. I think that may have been my first mistake. He the proceeded to ask if I had a "Handy" which is a cellphone over here. I didn't have one, and I honestly told him so. Mistake number two. Of course, I probably would have said I didn't have one, even if I did. It was at this point the guy said to me, or so I translated it, "I am the police, you have to come with me." I didn't mention this before, but the guy was no more than 18 and I definitely had 20 lbs on him, so normally I would have said no and walked away. But after the alarm incident at the store just minutes before, I thought it might actually be possible. I'm not dumb though and asked for some ID. He produced what appeared to me to be a travel visa of sorts. Maybe that's what German police badges look like, I don't know.

So, I walked with him for a minute asking him in broken German where his police car was and if there were any other officers around that actually looked like officers. He just kept babbling on about something I didn't understand. Then he stopped and said "Come down here." It was a frigging dark alley. Like hell I was walking down a dark alley with a young punk claiming he was the police. So, I said "Nein!" and then told him that if he was really a police officer, we would go to a store and speak to a bilingual person and get them to translate. He didn't like that idea and started to accuse me of having cocaine and marijuana. Then he even said if I didn't come he would have to shoot me, as he made his fingers into a gun and even made the Pow Pow! sound. I had enough at this point, so I told him either he come with me to talk to someone or I was leaving. So, he gave up and said "Haha, I'm only joking man," patted me on the shoulder and walked away as if we were buddies now or something.

And that was that. I probably should have called the police, but I didn't have a handy, and to be honest, I didn't even know their number. I guess I could have gone somewhere and asked, but I had had enough of listening to broken English and speaking broken German. So, I just went home, bought a chocolate milk and also a beer at the store a few minutes from my house, and made it to the last football game (where I played in goal and got a shutout).

**I later heard over the news that it is becoming common for people over here to impersonate police officers in attempts to rob people, particularly tourists. Go figure.